A Young Lady’s Guide to Work Parties
I’ve had the pleasure (misfortune?) of working for some companies that like to party. There is nothing quite like getting to know your coworkers over some drinks and being drunken assholes together. However, there is a fine line between funny and sloppy drunk especially when around people that could have a serious impact on your future. Here are some general rules to get you through your work party without being “that girl.”
Rule Number One: Eat Something
For the sake of your dignity PLEASE have something else in your stomach other than the salad you ate for lunch. Especially if it’s the only thing you ate that day. You will get hammered and have a terrible hangover the next day. Feeling bloated because you put down three slices of pizza before going out is a small price to pay compared to the Uber cleaning fee.
Rule Number Two: Hit the Photobooth Early
We all love photo booths — the lighting is spectacular and the props are fun. But those pictures will live forever and circulate widely around your company. Remember that. Have a drink to take the edge off and go take some pix — the photo booth is a no-fly zone after three drinks. Be sure to put your drink down before stepping in - everyone already knows it’s a party.
Rule Number Three: Keep Track of Your Drinks
I’m talking about when you set them down to use the lady's room AND how many. If you’re going to do shots, which we all know you will put a limit on it. It is really easy to overdo it when the company card is down at the bar have a cut-off point and go the fuck home!
Rule Number Four: Don’t Make Out With Your Coworkers
Or worse. Just don’t. It’s weird and makes things awkward. You don’t want to be the topic of conversation on Monday morning.
Rule Number Five: Strength in Numbers
Club rules apply — you arrive at the club with your friends you leave with friends. No man left behind. Your friends can hold accountable to rule number four if you start getting a little too interested in that cute sales boy you’ve been crushing on. Please do yourself a favor and stick to your friends if you feel yourself getting sloppy.
Rule Number Six: Stay Away from Executives
Just because you are in the same room as the big wigs does not mean its time to share your bright and maybe not so bright ideas. You absolutely are not going to come off as smart or put together after a few drinks. Stick to hellos and/or goodbyes and only speak when spoken to (the ONLY time I will give this advice) otherwise, steer clear. It is much easier to climb the corporate ladder if you protect your image, trust me.
No one wants to be “that girl” but it happens to the best of us. I’m speaking from direct experience here — there is nothing quite like the Saturday scaries and Monday anxiety after a long Friday night with your coworkers. These six rules can help you avoid those scenarios while still having fun. Party on my badass business bitches out there 🤘💃
